Surviving Christmas

Christmas can be the most wonderful time of the year but it can also be stressful for both children and adults. As a teacher, and then later an education advisor, I always got an influx of phone calls and emails in December asking for help with a child’s behaviour. Whether your child is at school, nursery or at home, the days in December suddenly look, feel, taste and smell very different. Routine goes out of the window, sleep usually follows suit and we adults have very little patience. If you have a child with additional needs, this time of year can be especially stressful.

So, here are our 6 tips on everyone surviving Christmas:

1. Routine and Structure

I am huge fan of being child led but I believe that we all cope better with a little bit of a routine and structure. During the festive week we will be keeping the loose structure of the day similar to a regular day; breakfast, lunch, naps, dinner, bedtime will all be at roughly the same time.

 2. Preparation is key

At 2 years old my son now regularly asks me when he wakes up in the morning “what’s happening today?” Christmas will be no different and so I will be telling and showing him with visuals what we will be doing and who we will be seeing each day. As adults we use visuals all the time to help us plan our days in the form of calendars, phones, diaries, to do lists. I personally find my diary reassuring. If you feel it is appropriate for your little one, writing or drawing out your day to give your child a visual representation of the day can really help especially if they keep asking “what’s happening next?”

If you have a child who keeps asking “When is Christmas? When do the holidays start? When is Nana coming to stay?”, a countdown calendar can help your little ones to prepare for these events. In my teaching experience those children that repeatedly asked when events were happening were anxious over the upcoming changes of Christmas. So, having a visual calendar often eased those anxieties.

3. Enable your little ones to participate in a way they will enjoy

There is no need to sit on Father Christmas’ lap (after all he is a stranger) or kiss the distant relative that you hardly see throughout the year. There is nothing wrong with your child having some ‘time out’ over Christmas to recover from the madness. If your little one struggles to communicate when they need a time out you can offer an ‘exit card’ which they can give you or watch them closely for signs that they are struggling.  This is also important for us adults. If you don’t want to do something over Christmas, politely refuse. If you need 5 minutes to reset, the toilet can be a wonderful place to hide and escape.

4. Decorations

Be aware of decorations and loud and sudden noises that may cause a sensory overload especially in the youngest of babies and those with a sensory processing disorder. Instead of using flashing coloured lights use simple warm white lights to reduce the possibility of a sensory overload. Some children will love the surprise of coming down after their nap to a house full of decorations. Some will struggle with the change. If the latter is the case get them involved in decorating the house. Even if they don’t want to do anything, keep them within eye shot of what is happening. Remember it can be quite a shock to find a tree in the middle of the room!

5. Presents

I am guilty of wanting to spoil my son but I am also aware that having a large number of presents may be overwhelming. I recently read an article about the power of 4 presents; a present they want, a present they need, something to wear and something to read. Read more about this here. I personally love this idea. We are really going to try our hardest to stick to it and introduce presents one by one, instead of all at once. Also some children do not enjoy the uncertainty of wrapped presents. It can make them feel anxious. If this is your child leave their presents unwrapped or in a bag so they can peek when they are ready.

6. Manage your own expectations

This is something I need to be aware of with my 2-year-old. I will put pressure on myself to make Christmas the most perfect celebration it can be for our family. But I need to be realistic. My son is not going to love every moment and behave like a perfect angel over Christmas. He’s definitely not going to sleep much because he will be over stimulated and will need to talk at bedtime in order to process the day. He will probably have emotional outbursts and become upset. And that is OK. He is a child and I am his safe space.  

And one more top for any breastfeeding Mummies

I recently read on social media that there are more cases of mastitis at Christmas than at any other time of the year.  If you think about it it’s not really surprising; relatives want to cuddle baby, Mum is busy, there are more distractions for baby to stare at. Mastitis is painful! When I was breastfeeding, I lived in fear of my son not eating and of me getting mastitis. At Christmas I was especially conscious of it. So, throughout the Christmas week I religiously offered my son the boob every two hours and I fed upstairs in a bedroom, where there were very few distractions. This tactic worked. My son ate, I did not get mastitis and my son and I both had an opportunity to reconnect. If you are the relative visiting a Mum with a new baby, give Mum the baby, get her to sit down and bring her a drink. It is exhausting being a Mum especially one with a new baby.

I personally love this time of year. The sights, smells and sounds of Christmas still stir within me the same sense of wonder and excitement that I felt when I was a little girl. When I think back now, I can’t remember what presents I received, I can’t tell you what Christmas outings my parents organised in the lead up to the day, I can’t tell you if my parents were stressed at Christmas or if the dinner was late. But what I do always remember are the feelings of love, the warmth of family and the sound of laughter. That is what I want to recreate for my son.    

Christmas doesn’t need to be perfect in order for our children to store those special memories. All you need is each other.

Merry Christmas everyone.